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Business Letter
How To Begin A Business Letter
Part II
How To Write The Letter
Chapter 5
SPECIFIC
STATEMENTS and CONCRETE FACTS are the substance of a business
letter. But whether that letter is read or not, or whether those statements
and facts are FORCEFUL and EFFECTIVE, is dependent upon the
manner in which they are presented to the reader--upon the "style." What
"style" is, and how it may be acquired and put to practical use in business
correspondence, is described in this chapter
* * * * *
Letter writing is a craft--selecting and arranging words in sentences to
convey a thought clearly and concisely. While letters take the place of
spoken language, they lack the animation and the personal magnetism of the
speaker--a handicap that must be overcome by finding words and arranging
them in sentences in such a way that they will attract attention quickly,
explain a proposition fully, make a distinct impression upon the reader and
move him to reply. Out of the millions of messages that daily choke the
mails, only a small per cent rise above the dead level of colorless, anemic
correspondence.
The great majority of
business letters are not forcible; they are not
productive. They have no style. The meat is served without a dressing. The
letters bulge with solid facts, stale statements and indigestible
arguments--the relishes are lacking. Either the writers do not realize that
effectiveness comes only with an attractive style or they do not know how a
crisp and invigorating style can be cultivated. Style has nothing to do with
the subject matter of a letter. Its only concern is in the language used--in
the words and sentences which describe, explain and persuade, and there is
no subject so commonplace, no proposition so prosaic that the letter cannot
be made readable and interesting when a stylist takes up his pen.
In choosing words the average writer looks at them instead of into them, and
just as there are messages between the lines of a letter, just so are there
half-revealed, half-suggested thoughts between the letters of words--the
suggestiveness to which Hawthorne referred as "the unaccountable spell that
lurks in a syllable." There is character and personality in words, and
Shakespeare left a message to twentieth-century correspondents when he
advised them to "find the eager words--faint words--tired words--weak
words--strong words--sick words--successful words." The ten-talent business
writer is the man who knows these words, recognizes their possibilities and
their limitations and chooses them with the skill of an artist in mixing the
colors for his canvas.
To be clear, to be forceful, to be attractive--these are the essentials of
style. To secure these elements, the writer must make use of carefully
selected words and apt figures of speech. Neglect them and a letter is lost
in the mass; its identity is lacking, it fails to grip attention or carry
home the idea one wishes to convey.
An insipid style, is responsible for much of the ineffectiveness in business
letters. Few men will take the time to decipher a proposition that is
obscured by ambiguous words and involved phrases. Unless it is obviously to
a man's advantage to read such a letter it is dropped into the waste basket,
taking with it the message that might have found an interested prospect if
it had been expressed clearly, logically, forcibly.
The first essential for style is clearness--make your meaning plain. Look to
the individual words; use them in the simplest way-- distinctive words to
give exactness of meaning and familiar words to give strength. Words are the
private soldiers under the command of the writer and for ease of management
he wants small words--a long word is out of place, unwieldy, awkward. The
"high-sounding" words that are dragged in by main force for the sake of
effect weigh down the letter, make it logy. The reader may be impressed by
the language but not by the thought. He reads the words and misses the
message.
Avoid long, unfamiliar words. Clothe your thoughts in words that no one can
mistake--the kind of language that men use in the office and on the street.
Do not make the reader work to see your point; he is busy, he has other
things to do--it is your proposition and it is to your interest to put in
that extra work, those additional minutes that will make the letter easily
understood. It is too much to expect the reader to exert himself to dig out
your meaning and then enthuse himself over your proposition.
The men who write pulling letters weigh carefully every sentence, not only
pruning away every unessential word but using words of Anglo-Saxon origin
wherever possible rather than words of Latin derivation. "Indicate your
selection" was written as the catch line for a letter in an important
selling campaign, but the head correspondent with unerring decision re-wrote
it--"Take your choice"--a simpler, stronger statement. The meaning goes
straight to the reader's mind without an effort on his part. "We are unable
to discern" started out the new correspondent in answering a complaint. "We
cannot see" was the revision written in by the master correspondent--short,
concise, to the point. "With your kind permission I should like to say in
reply to your favor"--such expressions are found in letters every
day--thousands of them. The reader is tired before the subject matter is
reached.
The correspondent who is thinking about the one to whom he is writing starts
out briefly and to the point by saying, "This is in reply to your letter,"
or, "Thank you for calling our attention to, and so forth." The reader is
impressed that the writer means business. The attitude is not antagonistic;
it commands attention.
Letters are unnaturally burdened with long words and stilted phrases, while
in conversation one's thoughts seek expression through lines of least
resistance--familiar words and short sentences. But in writing, these same
thoughts go stumbling over long words and groping through involved phrases.
Proverbs are sentences that have lived because they express a thought
briefly in short, familiar words. Slang becomes popular because of the
wealth of meaning expressed in a few words, and many of these sayings
gradually work their way into respectability-- reluctantly admitted into the
sanctuary of "literature" because of their strength, clearness,
adaptability.
While short words are necessary for force and vigor, it may be very
desirable at times to use longer and less familiar words to bring out the
finer shade of meaning. A subtle distinction cannot be ignored simply
because one word is shorter than another. "Donate" and "give" are frequently
used as synonyms, but "give" should not be used because it is a short word
when "donate" expresses the meaning more accurately. As a usual thing,
"home" is preferable to "residence," but there are times when the longer
word should be used. "Declare" and "state," "thoroughfare" and
"street"--there are thousands of illustrations on this point, and while the
short, Anglo-Saxon word is always preferable, it should not be used when a
longer word expresses more accurately the thought which the writer wishes to
convey.
Many letter writers think that these rules are all right for college
professors, journalists and authors, but impractical for the every-day
business correspondent. Some of the most successful companies in the
country, however, have recognized the importance of these very points and
have adopted strict rules that give strength and character to the letters
that are sent out. For example, here is a paragraph taken from the book of
instructions issued by a large manufacturing concern in the middle west:
"Don't use a long or big word where a short one will do as well or better.
For example: 'Begin' is better than 'commence'; 'home' or 'house' better
than 'residence'; 'buy' better than 'purchase'; 'live' better than 'reside';
'at once' better than 'immediately'; 'give' better than 'donate'; 'start' or
'begin' better than 'inaugurate.'"
The selection of words is not the only thing that the writer must consider.
The placing of words to secure emphasis is no less important. The strength
of a statement may depend upon the adroitness with which the words are used.
"Not only to do one thing well but to do that one thing best--this
has been our aim and our accomplishment." In this sentence, taken from a
letter, emphasis is laid upon the word "best" by its position. The
manufacturer has two strong arguments to use on the dealer; one is the
quality of the goods--so they will give satisfaction to the customer--and
the other is the appearance of the goods so they will attract the customer.
This is the sentence used by a clever writer: "We charge you for the
service quality--we give you the appearance quality." The strength
comes from the construction of the sentence throwing emphasis on "charge"
and "give."
"Durability--that is our talking point. Other machines are cheaper if you
consider only initial cost; no other machine is more economical when its
durability, its length of service is considered." Here the unusual position
of the word "durability," thrown at the beginning of the sentence, gives an
emphasis that could not be obtained in any other way. And so the stylist
considers not only the words he uses but he places them in the most
strategic position in the sentence--the beginning.
In the building of a climax this order of words is reversed since the
purpose is to work up from the weakest to the strongest word or phrase. The
description, "sweet, pure and sanitary," gives emphasis to the sanitary
feature because it comes last and lingers longest in the mind.
After the study of words, their meaning and position, the writer must look
to completed sentences, and the man who succeeds in selling goods by mail
recognizes first of all the force of concise statements. "You can pay more
but you can't buy more." This statement strikes home with the force of a
blow. "We couldn't improve the powder so we improved the box." There is
nothing but assertion in this sentence, but it carries conviction. Not a
word is out of place. Every word does duty. The idea is expressed concisely,
forcibly. The simplicity of the sentence is more effective than pages of
prosaic argument.
Here is a sentence taken from a letter of a correspondence school: "Assuming
that you are in search of valuable information that may increase your
earning capacity by a more complete knowledge of any subject in which you
may be interested, we desire to state most emphatically that your wages
increase with your intelligence." This is not only ungrammatical, it is
uninteresting. Contrast it with the sentence taken from a letter from
another correspondence school: "You earn more as you learn more." It is
short, emphatic, thought producing. The idea is clearly etched into your
mind.
Short sentences are plain and forceful, but when used exclusively, they
become tiresome and monotonous. A short sentence is frequently most striking
when preceding or following a long sentence--it gives variation of style.
Following a long sentence it comes as a quick, trip-hammer blow that is
always effective. And there are times when the proposition cannot be brought
out clearly by short sentences. Then the long sentence comes to the rescue
for it permits of comparisons and climaxes that short sentences cannot give.
[Illustration: Unique enclosures catch the eye and insure a reading of
the letter. Here are shown two facsimile bonds--one, an investment bond and
the other a guarantee bond; a sample of the diploma issued by a
correspondence school and a $15.00 certificate to apply on a course. The
axe-blade booklet carries the message of a wholesale hardware house, and the
coupon, when filled out, calls for a free sample of toilet preparation.]
[Illustration: Neither printed descriptions nor pictures are as effective
as actual samples of the product advertised. Here are shown different
methods of sending samples of dress goods, shirtings and cloth for other
purposes. At the right are some pieces of wood showing different varnishes
and wall decorations, and at the bottom are veneers that show different
furniture finishes; the various colored pieces of leather are likewise used
by furniture houses in showing the styles of upholstering.]
It is the long, rambling sentences that topple a letter over onto the waste
basket toboggan. But the sentence with a climax, working up interest step by
step, is indispensable. By eye test, by mechanical test, by erasure test and
by strength test, Orchard Hill Bond makes good its reputation as the best
bond on the market for commercial use. There is nothing tiresome about such
a sentence. There is no difficulty in following the writer's thought.
* * * * *
THE LETTER THE VEHICLE WORDS SHORT SAXON SPECIFIC INDIVIDUAL PHRASES VIVID
NATURAL FIGURES IDIOMS SENTENCES CLEAR FORCEFUL CLIMATIC POLISHED PARAGRAPHS
SHORT UNIFORM LOGICAL ORDERLY THE LOAD IDEAS GRAPHIC TECHNICAL CLEAR
COMPLETE STATEMENTS FACTS PROOFS REFERENCES TESTIMONY EXPLANATIONS SPECIFIC
TECHNICAL CLEAR COMPLETE ARGUMENTS LOGICAL CLIMATIC CONCLUSIVE CONVINCING
There are two elements in every letter: the thought and the language in
which that thought is expressed. The words, phrases, sentences and
paragraphs are the vehicle which carries the load--explanations, arguments,
appeal. Neither can be neglected if the letter is to pull
* * * * *
Here is another sentence showing the force to be attained through the use of
a long sentence: "Just as the physician may read medicine, just as the
lawyer may read law, just so may a man now read business--the science of the
game which enables some men to succeed where hosts of others fail; it is no
longer enveloped in mystery and in darkness." There is no danger of the
reader's becoming confused in the meaning and he is more deeply impressed
because his interest has been gained by the gradual unfolding of the idea
back of the sentence, the leading up to the important thought.
And after the choice of words, the placing of words and the construction of
a sentence comes that other essential element of style--the use of figures
of speech, the illustrating of one's thought by some apt allusion.
Comparison adds force by giving the reader a mental picture of the unknown,
by suggestions of similarity to familiar things. The language of the street,
our conversational language, secures its color and expressiveness through
figures of speech--the clever simile and the apt metaphor light up a
sentence and lift it out of the commonplace.
"Don't hold yourself down," "Don't be bottled up," "Don't keep your nose on
the grindstone"--these are the forceful figures used in the letters of a
correspondence school. The most ignorant boy knows that the writer did not
mean to be taken literally. Such figures are great factors in business
letters because they make the meaning clear.
Here is the attention-getting first sentence of another letter: "Don't lull
yourself to sleep with the talk that well enough should be let alone when
practical salary-raising, profit-boosting help is within your reach." The
sentence is made up of figures; you do not literally lull yourself to sleep
with talk, you don't really boost profits, you don't actually reach out and
grasp the help the letter offers. The figures merely suggest ideas, but they
are vivid.
A sales manager writes to the boys on the road regarding a contest or a
spurt for records: "Come on, boys. This is the last turn round the track.
The track was heavy at the start but if none of you break on the home
stretch you are bound to come under the wire with a good record." The
salesman will read this sort of a letter and be inspired by its enthusiasm,
when the letter would be given no more than a hurried glance if it said what
it really means: "Get busy! Keep on the job! Send in more orders." By
framing your ideas in artistic figures of speech you bring out their colors,
their lines, their fullest meanings--and more than that, you know your
letters will be read.
But in the attempt to add grace and attractiveness by some familiar
allusion, one must not overlook the importance of facts--cold, plainly
stated facts, which are often the shortest, most convincing argument. In the
letter of an advertising concern is this plain statement: "Last year our
business was $2,435,893 ahead of the year before." No figure of speech, no
touch of the stylist could make such a profound impression as this brief,
concise statement of fact.
The average correspondent will agree that these are all essential elements
of style--his problem is practical: how can he find the right words; how can
he learn to put his proposition more clearly; how think up figures of speech
that will light up the thought or illustrate the proportion.
To some men an original style and the ability to write convincingly is a
birthright. Others have to depend less on inspiration and more on hard work.
One man carries a note book in which he jots down, for future use, phrases,
words and comparisons that he comes across while reading his morning paper
on the way down town, while going through his correspondence, while
listening to callers, while talking with friends at lunch, while attending
some social affair--wherever he is, his eyes and ears are always alert to
catch a good phrase, an unusual expression or a new figure of speech. At his
first opportunity a notation is made in the ever-handy memorandum book.
Another man systematically reads articles by Elbert Hubbard, Alfred Henry
Lewis, Samuel Blythe and other writers whose trenchant pens replenish his
storage with similes, metaphors and crisp expressions.
The head of a mail-order sales department of a large publishing house keeps
a scrapbook in which he pastes words, phrases, striking sentences and
comparisons clipped from letters, advertisements, booklets, circulars, and
other printed matter. Each month he scans the advertisements in a dozen
magazines and with a blue pencil checks every expression that he thinks may
some time be available or offer a suggestion. It is but a few minutes' work
for a girl to clip and paste in these passages and his scrapbooks are an
inexhaustible mine of ideas and suggestions.
Another man, after outlining his ideas, dictates a letter and then goes over
it sentence by sentence and word by word. With a dictionary and book of
synonyms he tries to strengthen each word; he rearranges the words, writes
and rewrites the sentences, eliminating some, reinforcing others and
devising new ones until he has developed his idea with the precision of an
artist at work on a drawing.
The average correspondent, handling a large number of letters daily, has
little time to develop ideas for each letter in this way, but by keeping
before him a list of new words and phrases and figures of speech, they soon
become a part of his stock in trade. Then there are other letters to
write--big selling letters that are to be sent out by the thousands and
letters that answer serious complaints, letters that call for diplomacy,
tact, and above all, clearness and force.
On these important letters the correspondent can well afford to spend time
and thought and labor. A day or several days may be devoted to one letter,
but the thoughts that are turned over--the ideas that are considered, the
sentences that are written and discarded, the figures that are tried
out--are not wasted, but are available for future use; and by this process
the writer's style is strengthened. He acquires clearness, force, simplicity
and attractiveness--the elements that will insure the reading of his
letters.
And one thing that every correspondent can do is to send to the scrap-heap
all the shelf-worn words and hand-me-down expressions such as, "We beg to
acknowledge," "We beg to state;" "Replying to your esteemed favor;" "the
same;" "the aforesaid;" "We take great pleasure in acknowledging," and so
on. They are old, wind-broken, incapable of carrying a big message. And the
participial phrases should be eliminated, such as: "Hoping to hear from
you;" "Trusting we will be favored;" "Awaiting your reply," and so on, at
the close of the letter. Say instead, "I hope to hear from you;" or, "I
trust we will receive your order;" or, "May we not hear from you?"
Interest the man quickly; put snap and sparkle in your letters. Give him
clear and concise statements or use similes and metaphors in your
sentences--figures of speech that will turn a spot-light on your thoughts.
Pick out your words and put them into their places with the infinite care of
a craftsman, but do not become artificial. Use every-day, hard-working words
and familiar illustrations that have the strength to carry your message
without stumbling before they reach their goal.
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