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Station Agent
How To Make Letters Original
Part III
Style-Making The Letter Readable
Chapter 10
The average
business letter is machine-made. It is full of time-worn phrases, hackneyed
expressions and commonplace observations that fail to jolt the reader out of
the rut of the conventional correspondence to which he is accustomed:
consequently it does not make an impression upon him. But occasionally a
letter comes along that "gets under the skin," that STANDS OUT from the rest
because it has "human interest;" because it is original in its statements;
because it departs from the prescribed hum-drum routine; because, in short,
it reflects a live, breathing human being and not a mere set of rules
* * * * *
Study the letters the janitor carries out in your waste-basket-- they lack
the red blood of originality. Except for one here and one there they are
stereotyped, conventional, long, uninteresting, tiresome. They have no
individuality; they are poor representatives of an alert, magnetic
personality.
Yet there is no legerdemain about writing a good letter; it is neither a
matter of luck nor of genius. Putting in the originality that will make it
pull is not a secret art locked up in the mental storerooms of a few
successful writers; it is purely a question of study and the application of
definite principles.
A lawyer is successful only in proportion to the understanding he has of the
law--the study he puts on his cases; a physician's success depends upon his
careful consideration of every symptom and his knowledge of the effect of
every drug or treatment that he may prescribe. And it is no different with
correspondents. They cannot write letters that will pulsate with a vital
message unless they study their proposition in detail, visualize the
individuals to whom they are writing, consider the language they use, the
method of presenting their arguments, their inducements--there is no point
from the salutation to the signature that is beneath consideration. You
cannot write letters that pull without hard study any more than the doctor
can cure his patients or the lawyer win his cases without brain work.
So many letters are insipid because the correspondents do not have time or
do not appreciate the necessity for taking time to consider the viewpoint of
their readers or for studying out new methods of presenting their
proposition. Yet the same respect that would be given to a salesman may be
secured for a letter. Any one of four attitudes will secure this attention.
First of all, there may be a personal touch and an originality of thought or
expression that commands immediate attention; in the second place, one can
make use of the man-to-man appeal; then there is the always-forceful,
never-to-be-forgotten "you" element; and finally, there are news items which
are nearly always interest-getters.
By any one of these appeals, or better, by a combination of appeals, a
letter can be given an individuality, a vitality, that will make it rise
above the underbrush of ordinary business correspondence.
To begin with, vapid words and stereotyped expressions should be eliminated,
for many a good message has become mired in stagnant language. So many
correspondents, looking for the easiest road to
travel, fall into the rut
that has been worn wide and deep by the multitudes passing that way. The
trouble is not the inability of writers to acquire a good style or express
themselves forcibly; the trouble is mental inertia--too little analytical
thought is given to the subject matter and too little serious effort is made
to find an original approach.
Most business letters are cold, impersonal, indifferent: "Our fall catalogue
which is sent to you under separate cover;" "We take pleasure in advising
you that;" "We are confident that our goods will give you entire
satisfaction," and so on--hackneyed expressions without end--no
personality--no originality--no vitality.
The correspondent who has learned how to sell goods by mail uses none of
these run-down-at-the-heel expressions. He interests the reader by direct,
personal statements: "Here is the catalogue in which you are interested;"
"Satisfaction? Absolute! We guarantee it. We urge you not to keep one of our
suits unless it is absolutely perfect;" "How did you find that sample of
tobacco?" No great mental exertion is required for such introductions, yet
they have a personal touch, and while they might be used over and over again
they strike the reader as being original, addressed to him personally.
Everyone is familiar with the conventional letter sent out by investment
concerns: "In response to your inquiry, we take pleasure in sending you
herewith a booklet descriptive of the White Cloud Investment Company." Cut
and dried--there is nothing that jars us out of our indifference; nothing to
tempt us to read the proposition that follows. Here is a letter that is
certain to interest the reader because it approaches him with an original
idea:
"You will receive a copy of the Pacific Coast Gold Book under separate
cover. Don't look for a literary product because that's not its purpose. Its
object is to give you the actual facts and specific figures in reference to
the gold-mining industry."
* * * * *
A correspondence school that has got past the stage where it writes, "We beg
to call attention to our catalogue which is mailed under separate cover,"
injects originality into its letter in this way:
"Take the booklet we have mailed you and examine the side notes on Drawing
for Profit and Art Training that apply to you individually and then go back
over them carefully."
* * * * *
The reader, even though he may have had nothing more than the most casual
interest is certain to finish that letter.
Here is the way a paper manufacturer puts convincing argument into his
letter, making it original and personal:
"Take the sheet of paper on which this letter is written and apply to it
every test you have ever heard of for proving quality. You will find it
contains not a single trace of wood pulp or fillers but is strong, tough,
long-fiber linen. Take your pen and write a few words on it. You will find
the point glides so smoothly that writing is a pleasure. Then erase a word
or two and write them again--do it twice, three or four times--repeated
erasures, and still you will find the ink does not blot or spread in the
least. This proves the hard body and carefully prepared finish."
* * * * *
Even if a person felt sure that this same letter went to ten-thousand other
men, there would be an individuality about it, a vividness that makes the
strongest kind of appeal.
In a town in central Indiana two merchants suffered losses from fire. A few
days later, one sent out this announcement to his customers:
"We beg to announce that temporary quarters have been secured at 411 Main
Street, where we will be glad to see you and will endeavor to handle your
orders promptly."
* * * * *
The second firm wrote to its customers:
Dear Mr. Brown:
Yes, it was a bad fire but it will not cripple the business. Our biggest
asset is not the merchandise in the store but the good-will of our
customers--something that fires cannot damage.
Our store does not look attractive. It won't until repairs are made and new
decorations are in, but the bargains are certainly attractive--low prices to
move the stock and make room for the new goods that have been ordered.
Everything has gone on the bargain tables; some of the goods slightly
damaged by water, but many of the suits have nothing the matter with them
except a little odor of smoke that will disappear in a couple of days. Come
in and look at these goods. See the original prioe mark--you can have them
at just one-half the amount.
Very truly yours, [Signature: Smith and Deene] 82
* * * * *
Here is originality; emphasis is laid on "good will" in a way that will
strengthen this "asset." The merchant put a personal element into the
letter; gave it an original appeal that made it not only a clever bit of
advertising, but proclaimed him a live-wire business man.
Here is the letter sent out by a store fixture manufacturer:
"If one of your salesmen should double his sales slips tomorrow you would
watch to see how he did it. If he kept up this pace you would be willing to
double his wages, wouldn't you? He would double his sales if he could
display all his goods to every customer. That's the very thing which the
Derwin Display Fixture does--it shows all the goods for your salesman, yet
you don't have to pay him a higher salary."
* * * * *
A merchant cannot read this letter without stopping to think about it. The
appeal strikes home. He may have read a hundred advertisements of the Derwin
fixture, but this reaches him because of the originality of expression, the
different twist that is given to the argument. There are no hackneyed
expressions, no involved phrases, no unfamiliar words, no selfish motives.
And then comes the man-to-man attitude, the letter in which the writer wins
the reader's confidence by talking about "you and me." A western firm
handling building materials of all kinds entered the mail-order field. One
cannot conceive a harder line of goods to sell by mail, but this firm has
succeeded by putting this man-to-man attitude into its letters:
"If you could sit at my desk for an hour--if you might listen a few minutes
to the little intimate things that men and women tell me-- their hopes,
their plans for the home that will protect their families--their little
secret schemes to make saved-up money stretch out over the building cost; if
you could hear and see these sides of our business you would understand why
we give our customers more than mere quality merchandise. We plan for you
and give expert advice along with the material."
* * * * *
There is nothing cold or distant in this letter; it does not flavor of a
soulless corporation. It is intimate, it is so personal that we feel we are
acquainted with the writer. We would not need an introduction--and what is
more, we trust him, believe in him. Make the man feel that you and he are
friends.
Write to the average college or university for a catalogue and it will be
sent promptly with a stereotyped letter: "We are pleased to comply with your
request," and so forth. But a little school in central Iowa makes the
prospective student feel a personal interest in the school and in its
officers by this letter:
My dear Sir:
The catalogue was mailed to you this morning. We have tried to make it
complete and I believe it covers every important point. But I wish you could
talk with me personally for half an hour--I wish you might go over our
institution with me that I might point out to you the splendid equipment,
the convenient arrangement, the attractive rooms, the ideal surroundings and
the homelike places for room and board.
Won't you drop me a line and let me know what you think about our school?
Tell me what courses you are interested in and let me know if I cannot be of
some personal assistance to you in making your plans.
I hope to see you about the middle of September when our fall term opens.
Very cordially yours, [Signature: Wallace E. Lee] President.
* * * * *
This letter, signed by the president of the institution, is a heart-to-heart
talk that induces many students to attend that school in preference to
larger, better-equipped colleges.
A large suit house manufacturing women's garments uses this paragraph in a
letter in response to a request for a catalogue:
"And now as you look through this book we wish we could be privileged to sit
there with you as you turn its pages. We would like to read aloud to you
every word printed on pages 4, 5 and 6. Will you turn to those pages,
please? Sometimes we think the story told there of the making of a suit is
the most interesting thing ever written about clothes--but then, we think
Columbia suits are the most wonderful garments in the world."
* * * * *
The letter creates a feeling of intimacy, of confidence in the writer, that
no formal arguments, logical reasons or special inducements could ever
secure.
Important as these two attitudes are--the personal appeal and the man-to-man
appeal--they can be strengthened manifold by making use of that other
essential, the "you" element in letters. The mistake of so many writers is
that they think of their interests in the transaction rather than the
interests of the men to whom they are writing. It is "we" this and "we"
that. Yet this "we" habit is a violation of the first rule of business
correspondence. "We are very desirous of receiving an order from you." Of
course; the reader knows that. Why call his attention to so evident a fact
and give emphasis to the profit that you are going to make on the deal? To
get his interest, show him where he will gain through this
proposition--precious little he cares how anxious you are to make a sale.
Mr. Station Agent--
Brother Railroader:
As soon as you have told the fellow at the ticket window that the noon train
is due at twelve o'clock and satisfied the young lady that her telegram will
be sent at once and O.S.'d the way freight and explained to the Grand Mogul
at the other end of the wire what delayed 'em, I'd like to chat with you
just a minute.
It's about a book--to tell the truth, just between you and me, I don't
suppose it's a bit better book than you could write yourself if you had
time. I simply wrote it because I'm an old railroad man and telegrapher
myself and had time to write it.
The title of the book is "At Finnegan's Cigar Store," and the hero of the
fourteen little stories which the booklet contains is Mr Station Agent. The
first story in the book, "How Finnegan Bought Himself a Diamond," is worth
the price of that ten-cent cigar you're smoking, and that's all the book
will cost you.
I know you'll like it--I liked it myself. I'm so sure of it I am enclosing a
ten-cent coin card for you to use in ordering it. A dime in the card and
postage stamp on the letter will bring you the book by first mail. "Nuff
said."
"73" E. N. RICHARDSON.
P. S.--I am enclosing another card for your night operator, if you have
one--I'd hate to have him feel that I had slighted him.
* * * * *
This letter, sent out under a one-cent stamp to 80,000 agents, pulled 22,000
replies with the money. The writer did not address them individually, but he
knew how to flag the interest of a station agent--by working in familiar
allusions he at once found the point of contact and made the letter so
personal that it pulled enormous results
* * * * *
No other appeal is so direct, so effective, as that which is summed up in
the words "you," "your business," "your profits," "your welfare." "It costs
you too much to sell crockery, but your selling expense can be cut down by
utilizing your space to better advantage;" "Your easiest profits are those
you make by saving expense;" "Did you ever figure up the time that is wasted
in your mailing department by sealing and stamping one letter at a time?"--
these are the letters that will be read through. Keep before the reader his
interest. Show him how your proposition would benefit him.
This letter was sent to lady customers by a mail-order house:
Dear Madam:
You want a dress that does not sag--that does not grow draggy and dowdy?
Then you want to make it of Linette--the new dress goods.
You have seen the beautiful new look and rich luster charm of a high-priced
fabric. You can find this same quality in Linette at only thirty-nine cents
a yard, and then--just think--it will stay in your dress through wearing,
washing and wetting, and you will be surprised to see how easily dresses
made of it may be washed and ironed and what long service the material will
give.
Very truly yours. [Signature: Anderson & Anderson]
* * * * *
In this letter there is not the faintest suggestion of the profits that the
writer hopes to make by the sale. A man is going to listen just as long as
you talk about him; a woman will keep on reading your letter as long as you
talk about her. Shout "You" and whisper "me" and your letter will carry
home, straight to the heart of the reader.
A capitalized "YOU" is often inserted in letters to give emphasis to this
attitude. Here is a letter from a clothing concern:
Dear Madam,
Remember this--when we make your suit we make it for YOU just as much as if
you were here in our work roomed and, furthermore, we guarantee that it will
fit YOU just a perfectly as if you bought it of an individual tailor. We
guarantee this perfection or we will refund your money at once without
question, and pay the express charges both ways.
We have tried hard to make this style-book interesting and beautiful to you
and full of advantage for YOU.
Your friends will ask "Who made your suit?" and we want you to be proud that
it is YOUR suit and that WE made it.
Yours very truly, [Signature: Adams & Adams ]
* * * * *
And there is yet another quality that is frequently most valuable to the
correspondent in making his letter personal. It is the element of news
value. News interests him especially when it is information about his
business, his customers, his territory, his goods, his propositions. Not
only does the news interest appeal to the dealer because of its practical
value to him, but it impresses him by your "up-to-the-minuteness" and it
gives a dynamic force to your letters.
Tell a man a bit of news that affects his pocket book and you have his
interest. Offer to save him money and he will listen to your every word, and
clever correspondents in manufacturing and wholesale establishments are
always on the alert to find some selling value in the news of the day.
One correspondent finds in the opening of lake navigation an excuse for
writing a sales letter. If the season opens unusually early he points out to
the retailer just how it may affect his business, and if the season opens
late he gives this fact a news value that makes it of prime interest to the
dealer. A shortage of some crop, a drought, a rainy season, a strike, a
revolution or industrial disturbances in some distant country--these factors
may have a far-reaching effect on certain commodities, and the shrewd sales
manager makes it a point to tip off the firm's customers, giving them some
practical advance information that may mean many dollars to them and his
letter makes the reader feel that the house has his interests at heart.
Another news feature may be found in some event that can be connected with
the firm's product. Here is the way a manufacturer of stock food hitches his
argument onto a bit of news:
"No doubt you have read in your farm paper about the Poland China that took
first prize at the Iowa State Fair last week. You will be interested to know
that this hog was raised and fattened on Johnson's stock food."
* * * * *
This is the way a manufacturer of window screens makes capital out of a new
product:
"Throw away that old, rusty, stationary fly screen that you used last
season. You won't need it any more because you can substitute an adjustable
one in its place.
"How many times when you twisted and jerked at the old stationary screen did
you wish for a really convenient one? The sort of screen you wanted is one
which works on rollers from top to bottom so that it will open and close as
easily and conveniently as the window itself.
"That's just the way the Ideal screen is made. It offers those advantages.
It was placed on the market only a few months ago yet it is so practical and
convenient that already we have been compelled to double the capacity of our
factory to handle the growing business.
"All the wood work is made to harmonize with the finish of your rooms. Send
the measure of your window and the colors you want and get a screen
absolutely free for a week's trial. If you are not perfectly satisfied at
the end of that time that it's the most convenient screen you ever used, you
need send no money but merely return the screen at our expense.
"The Ideal screen is new; it is improved; it is the screen of tomorrow. Are
you looking for that kind?"
* * * * *
The news element may have its origin in some new feature, some attachment or
patent that is of interest to the prospect. A manufacturer of furniture uses
this approach effectively:
"The head of my designing department. Mr. Conrad, has just laid on my desk a
wonderful design for something entirely new in a dining room table. This
proposed table is so unique, so new, so different from anything ever seen
before, I am having the printer strike off some rough proofs of this
designer's drawing, one of which I am sending you under separate cover."
* * * * *
This letter is manifestly a "today" product. It wins attention because it is
so up to date, and a new article may possess the interest-compelling feature
that will lead to an order.
Then there are the letters that tell of the purchase of goods. A retailer
puts news value into his letter when he writes that he has purchased the
entire stock of the bankrupt Brown & Brown at thirty-eight cents on the
dollar and that the goods are to be placed on sale the following Monday
morning at prices that will make it a rare sales event. This is putting into
the letter news value that interests the customer. It is original because it
is something that could not have been written a week before and cannot be
written by anyone else.
Then there are other elements of news of wide interest--the opening of a new
branch office, the increase of facilities by the enlargement of a factory,
the perfecting of goods by some new process of manufacture or the putting on
the market of some new brand or line. These things may affect the dealer in
a very material way and the news value is played up in the most convincing
style. The correspondent can bear down heavily on the better service that is
provided or the larger line of commodities that is offered. Search through
the catalogue of possibilities, and there is no other talking point that it
seized upon more joyfully by the correspondent, for a news item, an actual
occurrence or some new development that enables him to write forceful,
interest-impelling letters, for the item itself is sufficient to interest
the dealer or the consumer. All that is required of the correspondent is to
make the most of his opportunity, seize upon this news element and mount it
in a setting of arguments and persuasion that will result in new business,
more orders, greater prestige.
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